sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
