While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Vodka?
Forever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
