so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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