Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
