i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
