This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
