I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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