Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
