hotel room ftw
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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