I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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