just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
