I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
