If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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