I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your penis caused this!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
