I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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