found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
