Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
