last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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