stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
