I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
