I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
