Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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