Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
