Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
