okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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