just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
