Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
