I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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