at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
