I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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