hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
