so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
