went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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