what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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