I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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