My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
