Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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