I showed him my bush... on skype.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
