Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
