Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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