How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I need to stop coming to work sober
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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