I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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