i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
