Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize