So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
