I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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