I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
