Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
