dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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