if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize