I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
