At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
