I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
