This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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