Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
