i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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