He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
