SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
