don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
