i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
