If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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