I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she told me i tasted like america
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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