the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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