maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
