You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
