he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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