Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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