I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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