she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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