can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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