new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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