i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
