Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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