I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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