I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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