bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
