He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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