I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
