take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
