I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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