Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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