Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize