He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have aggressive nipples.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
