i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize