I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
